You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Soap is not a condiment
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
