There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
