I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
