Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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