I don't usually arrange sex via text message
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
