where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
