...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
