I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
