mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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