i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
