they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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