Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
