I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
