Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
