I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize