Umm I'm too high to move.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize