i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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