We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
