Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
