she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
