dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Bring me that man meat
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
