And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize