I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
