omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you would pick up someone in the library
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
