Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
