Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
