so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
