just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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