i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Randomize
