I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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