Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
