He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
