We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
