the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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