Don't make out with my wife yet
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
