I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
