Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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