Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
