his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
