I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
