yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
