i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
