I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
