More tranny stories later!
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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