pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
