I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
