Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
