Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
