Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
