No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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