you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
