I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
