my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
