She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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