Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
