Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
