I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
