May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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