Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize