New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
50% drunk capacity currently
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
