I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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