Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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