So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
