well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
