he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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