There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
