laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
