HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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