Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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