we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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