How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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