Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
