Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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