I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
