If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize