today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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