But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
