i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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