So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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