If i come over, it means nothing
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
sex in a hospital.. check
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
