How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
