$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
