You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My bed smells like the plague
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
