JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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