Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
