Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
