The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
