I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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