Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Boobs speak an international language.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
