On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
