I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
