Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
