I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
