I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
