i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
