Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
