He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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