No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Randomize
