things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
