just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
