Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
