i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
