Plan B is the new Plan A
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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