Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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