she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
