i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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